He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
