Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
