the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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