She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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