I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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