Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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