im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
People in love make me want to vomit
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
