Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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