you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Panties = found
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
