i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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