Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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