Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
