Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
