I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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