i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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