I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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