I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
