i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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