If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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