And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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