Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
