1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
