if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
