I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
