Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
