My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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