her vagine was all disorganized.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
