I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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