But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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