Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
