Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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