I hope mine doesn't look like that
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize