don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
