What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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