can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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