Sry I called you an 8
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
