i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
