I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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