You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
