Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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