last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
