This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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