I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
