Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
