dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
