i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
