I didn't shave. On purpose
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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