Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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