i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
