So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
