break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
