In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
