i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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