Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
