the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
