I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
