We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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