I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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