New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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