Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize