mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
