you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
