That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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