she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You pole danced in your parka.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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