Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
