I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
