sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
